this beer tastes like vomit already
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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