Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
