True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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