She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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