Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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