Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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