Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ttyl tear gas
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
