Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory