just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it's great music for shaving your balls
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.