I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
