Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.