ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.