So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
being pregnant is like rehab
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?