Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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