oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
