I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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