I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
