I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
