i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
