Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
