I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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