I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
