peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
