Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
