So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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