Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding