I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool