you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background