I feel great
I just peed on a car
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
