First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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