I wish I only lived at night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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