Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
