If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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