Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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