Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
