ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
