Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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