my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
