There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
