WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
