he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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