I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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