So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
