And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
birth control should be required to get into college
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone came in the potted fern
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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