Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
