If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
