listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
