it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Semen is not good for contacts.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
