Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
