he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
