there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
