i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
