I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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