Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
