Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
