apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
