A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
