How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
