Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
