Quick, to the slutcave!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
