i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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