Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
