I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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