Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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