Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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