:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
