Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
