good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
