well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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