i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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