I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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