I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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