Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
