Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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