Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
