So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
