I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
