we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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