Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Boobs are out for the taking
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
