two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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