their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
