How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
